He cheated, or at least attempted to. We still wanted to meet in person and now that Ive thrown it out there he has not replied. For 4 days now) is it ok for me to txt or call him in a few days to let him know will be arround and can we get together? Just stopped dating this man I when going out. Hugs. We are older 60s. Grow up, my friend. Move on. You will understand his true interest level. He saw me at the hair salon, and asked my hairdresser who I was. But at the same time when Im with him he seems ok, Maybe he doesnt like to text. And since then hes only texted me. Best Bp. Some days later I restarted the conversation and intended to ask him out for the following week. How do we safely move from online chatting and messages to giving someone my phone number? This is a throwaway account. On the other hand, if you like or are curious about somebody, then this shouldnt prevent you from showing it. I met this guy two weeks ago on Tinder. So just when I was about to give up the next say after I texted him he swore up and down I wasnt bothering him. Bp. You arent dating him (like this post explains). Your friend is a grownup. Since then he has kept it strictly text and now says he is uncomfortable seeing me until we can have a good text relationship. Most wknds are occupied with helping others (family, church, etc) & during the week I have my 6 yr old son. I think he might no longer be interested, which makes me a bit sad. Bp. I am foolish for allowing this to happen arent 9? I waited until 7pm the next day when I still hadnt heard anything I finally texted him and told him what I was up to that evening and thanked him again for the lovely date. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Bp. He must be seeing others, despite the texts where he says hes all mineand his focus is on making me happyanything for you. If youre not familiar with this tendency, give this a read https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/science-choice/201504/what-is-confirmation-bias It is understandable that he may be afraid of making a false move. You can. Hmmm, maybe you are in the friend zone. Partially as a shield to protect from s repeat of past hurt. He hasnt offered to accept my request of a phone call. If he is, and clearly so, try again but with no second chances. You missed another BRF (big red flag): twice he mentioned about partying and drinking. The next day he was very distant and didnt contact me as much as he had before, that evening we flirted a bit but he said he was tired so I said good-night and he sent me a sweetdreams message with he hasnt been on WhatsApp since, he wont reply to my texts, and he only came back on the dating site 2 days ago when he viewed my profile read my message but didnt reply Whats going on? He showed a lot of passion and enthusiasm for me while mentioning of going out to walk the dogs and have a coffee etc. Since then hes texted asking about my day for the past 2 days but still hasnt asked me out again. Im a very realistic person, and I think if we havent met in person yet, we cant get to know eachother (like you mentioned), so I dont want to go in too deep over Skype because some subjects are better left in person. Did I make a mistake reaching out to him again? The next day I hear nothing. Also, I did tell him up front what I was looking for at this age and that I want to have someone in my life. He said once, Im really looking forward to meeting you, you make me smile a lot., I did anticipate that there would some text fatigue on either end at some point- texting someone youve never met and keeping it up for four months on the daily seems like a task to me. In person. I would prefer an invitation for a nice dinner, glass of wine and conversation somewhere quiet with a nice ambience to get to know each other better and see how the chemistry feels! You know what you need to know: he isnt a good, grownup man worth your time. Im grateful for the lesson, even though my heart is hurt, because I know now the red flags of emotional immaturity. We got on so well togther id like to see him again but i also know he needs space for his family matter Don't Text Him, You Have Nothing to Lose. It's not how long it's been - it's if and when a pattern is broken and is not resetting itself. I guess Im just wondering if hes even into me at all. He also said to her that he was divorced and didnt mention a girlfriend. All I could suggest is to rock the mouth piece back and forward to try and separate it and syringe the out the oil good luck. I sent one around 7, telling him I had a good time. The connection was great, easy and we shared wonderful moments. again happy to leave it there. Remember that you dont really know each other and you have no idea what his real story is. Last date he cancelled. Ive been seeing a guy for about a month now. Am I totally overthinking this? He proceeded to say what a wonderful person I was. Proceed by moving on with your life. See what you discover along the way. I was happy to exchange numbers and told him that but he never offered his number too me and continued to chat with me online. Please help! I recommend that you let him know that youre interested in him that way and this will help! Confusing, Tonya, seems to me that its time to start depending on yourself instead of men. That Sunday, I texted her about her schedule and asked if she liked certain types of food, and followed by Ill get a plan together and get back to you then sparingly texted. Some things to think about so if he doesnt turn out to be sincere you know what to look for next time. Sorry, I dont know. Ill never want to start a relationship again without setting this foundation, first. Good for him! If you havent met yet and spent some time together you no relationship. Is it finals week? A man that I went to high school with (we never hung out in high school) started sending me messages through IM on Facebook. A little bummed that it seems to be written especially for me. You said the most important words here: the man you DREAMED about. You dont know this man at all. Contents hide 1. Something like: I enjoy staying connected with you between our dates. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. You can read more about pingers and learn what you can do with them by reading this article :Why Does He Keep Disappearing and Reappearing? Yet, he kept texting almost daily. To be 100% honest, I didnt read the entire thing. If you have been texting him and he merely responds with a polite text back, but doesnt ask you out, then you have your answer. So heres my very brief story, met a guy online and started dating him after a months time. You know this intellectually, right? Im not an experienced at dating at all since Ive been married my whole life . His response was Im past the texting stage, when are you coming over. So now we have made plans to hang this weekend as we are both single parents. This person wasnt here, and you can only be so obnoxious on social media, right? Bp. We rescheduled to last night and I go all the way to the resturant where we were meeting and he texts me ya tonights not gonna happen and i asked why? We always, always have a great time, weve even spend nights at each others placehowever in the past couple weeks Ive noticed a huge decrease in his text messages, before Id get a good morning a goodnight and other messages in between asking about my day, I miss you text etc. I just got back in the dating world I have even try dating app I cant find anyone thats serious about a relationship is it me or people just dont believe in dating anymore .. they only want sex and Im not so quick to doing that . He just have a female roomate who i already met. We still never made a relationship out of it because he was unemployed he said he thought of himself as a bum and apologized to me. I like him a lot, and maybe even see him as a man I could truly love and have a happy life with. I was excited for him to come back so we could finally meet. Hi! Yes, you are overthinking and over-expecting. If he texts again, can I just ignore him? He also said that he wants to become best friends with a woman before any commitment. Bp. He then said, how about a day the following weekthats 2 weeks after he met me. They are married or just want to text message me to death! Pingers want an ego boost. I recently was messaging someone on line and he soon gave me his phone number. Still waiting for his text though, Im sure Julie you jumped the gun and by now, he has already texted you back. See if hes looking for the same. Why is it so hard? We havnt mentioned abt meeting in person but he has asked a few times jokingly when Ill be going over (as I have plans to migrate in the near future). It was nice, but we never have been able to do it again. So basically, I am not sure what I can do right now. Bp. or should i give it a try? Expect the pattern to continue because now that hes beating himself up hes adding more pressure on himself and making it much more difficult. Am I thinking too much into it and being crazy or should I be concerned with his actions the last few days? Diane, youre not being selfish wanting to see him; youre being smart. Hed disappear then reappear. If theyre repeatedly not answered, we assign all kinds of meaning to that (when there may be none at all). Ive gone on 3 dates over the past month with a guy. If not, hes just not for you. Set up time to talk. Learn the insight & ability to detect if hes for real, using you for sex, a player, a good guy, or one of those rare REAL man you DO want. At the beginning I just thought this relationship would be a friends for benefits but now I feel that I was in love with his intelligence, his sense of humors, his playing guitar skill and so on. Thats when magic happens. When a man is interested he lets you know. I met someone on a dating website. Ifyou dont hear back, move on. Bp, I kinda know about some of these questions and answers but it sure is nice to get someone elses answers who knows best. You should only text a girl every day if you're already sleeping together a lot or are boyfriend and girlfriend, or at least friends with benefits. Why Does He Keep Disappearing and Reappearing? I say yes, but it takes us a while to pin down the date, because, again, I had to figure out the place, day, and time. If youre looking for a love, Run. Once before this I had kind of put myself in a similar situation thinking I had said something wrong and sent him a bunch of messages. 12 days ago we got very flirty at night and he sent a dick pic because he said he wanted me to see what I do to him and that he wants to meet up, I told him I wanted to meet him too so we should sort something out and he said OK. Dont go overboard, in other words. If he wont, move on. Others are saying give him more time. I mean really! Ive also told him im not one to just jump into bed with people and hes still keen to be around. Say something like, "I just want to make it clear that I value our friendship, and I'm not looking for anything romantic at this time.". Polite convo back and forth. If its only on his termsdont waste your time. We began texting, and I learned that he recently moved from very far away to care of his dying mother. Perhaps you are the only one he feels relaxed talking to. He has been on the site for some time and hasnt gone on a date. Texting. It is true that you never know until youre in the room together. Forget worrying about being pushy. We talked and laughed and felt that we had chemistry for each other. Ok he was making plans for Wimbledon, asked me to fly out to wherever he was (at my expense)saying you will love it here and I want to walk with you holding hands on the beach and sexual references. Dont waste any more time. Best. Do I get a 3rd cell phone? Im I wasting my time, should I stop talking to him and move on? and gave me his phone number and I sent him a text so that he could have mine as well. I wasnt sure what he meant by a weekend and told he so explained I was looking for a long term relationship and thanked him anyway. Stop asking him and see what he does. Yep. But in one month from that day (Four weeks)!! We both have a lot in common- were fairly easygoing, we like animals, vegetarianism, certain TV shows and memes- it seems/seemed were pretty compatible in certain ways. But this level of transparency doesn't always happen. So, when in doubt, open the lines of communication yourself and talk to them about whats going on. Although its not unthinkable, Ive always rolled my eyes at this dating reality. If we wanted to genuinely meet me, then he should invest the time, or else, Ill pass (I said all those things nicely and with diplomacy)! But, we still have not been able to get together after 2 months. We started talking about it again and I told him I would move back to my home country and try another times for scholarship. Alternatively, you can set the date and time to count till (or from) the event. Every person that Ive asked about him has the same thing to say: that hes a hard working, good hearted family man. He now texts me every day, but when I answer, his responses are VERY brief and really leave me struggling to know how to respond. He said oke and wanted to chat some more, I said, have a nice evening and I will talk to you tomorrow! We've been seeing each other consistently about 2-3 times a week (for every 2 text convos he initiates, I would initiate one) texting every day or every other day the entirety of the 3 months. Have a conversation with him about whether hes ultimately looking for a relationship or something casual. He asked what time and I said I am out the door at 7:30am. Im happy to hang out and see what happens.. any thoughts? Even before our first date, there were times where he wouldnt text me like all day until the evening. I do feel a little down as I didnt hear from him. I dont get itI know its not me special. His messages are polite but they always end in good night kisses and/or morning hugs. Today (day 3) I texted him this morning he responded and then I texted him again at lunch and then after I got home from work. Can we make that work? Put it out there, sister, and give him the chance to say Y or N. Youll learn a lot by his response. There is no set time, Mickey. But he insisted on seeing me again, he asked for my number and we started texting. I sent her a text afterwards joking about something we discussed and kept the texting to a minimum. If hes stuck in his stuff and seems to not need or want your support or to keep datingmove on to date others. Soam I being too cautious that this guy is looking for just a fling? It sounds like you have some kind of rigid rules that men must adhere to, including that they better be amusing or deep if they are going to text you. He told me about this right out the bat which was overwhelming at first but his honesty and upfront nature kept my attention and the situation with the baby momma to be was bad. Hi June. So, don't assume that because they went from texting you 75 times a day to, say, five, that it's time to go to relationship DEFCON 1. He kept addressing me as friend or my friend which I thought was a little weird. I was scared but willing that night we had a fight through texting and after hours of back & forth he told me we meet he would need a weeks notice? It has been flattering I admit, but no phone call? Thats the grownup thing to do. Some of them were not too great and none of them resulted in a love connection. Ive suggested that Id love to get to know him beyond the texting. Hes kinda country and so am I, not that that means anything haha Thx , Well, the time has come and gone. We both work in the tourism industry and for us that means work almost every day. Can we get over that :/ What a liar. About 10 min after I accept his request he messaged me, we then began to text and talk every day for weeks. He also did not want to interrupt my workout. He said lol duly noted.. Finally, I had to initiate the meeting and decide what day and time because he said he didnt like planning dates/hang outs. But the good thing is that's not necessarily true. I would LOVE to hear your texting stories and answer your questions about how to make it work for you whiledating or in your relationship. After his departure, weve continued to communicate through texts and phone calls and planned another date between Christmas and New Year. We contimued to text and he texted me Good morning every morning but I felt something was off and always kind of pushed him and I was super scared. I think its just you want. He never responded, certainly a bit confused, guess you never know whats going on in the their mind, but still so frustrating when it went so well! He said it was the best date hes had and he loved my dad. If he comes around, cool. He wanted to message me during day I said no as I have to concentrate at work. When you think your relationship might be ending its easy to spiral, but take a deep breath. Thank you for your time, My answer is in the article, Leslie. He sent me a message saying a 3rd date was a big deal and he felt like I was the full pacakage. I know because as a savvy millennial I am adept at vetting online identitiesno catfishing here! But I was expecting him to be my REAL (financial and emotional) support in getting a divorce and he is not there at all. Im not worried, as I know its a reasonable thing to ask, and since IDK this guy really, IDK his style or exactly what the deal is. As a note there are a lot of women who prefer the phone call and the quickie meeting. Men Are Very Predictable! He made an excuse about being too busy with moving but would see what his family were doing and if they had plans and hed get back to me on Friday. He texts me everyday through out the day. Your article was a big help for me to understand more on this whole texting and dating thing going on. He freaks out and doesn't know what comes next. He really could be just thinking of your safety. He works Long hours I might see him 2 or 3 times in a month Hook up. Finally we get to meet up for dinner and started hanging out for other activities like 3 times a week at least. He asked to meet 2 weeks ago in between his trips but canceled last minute. He was also always the one to start the conversation, but i would make sure to text him sometimes first as well. He told me patience and communication. Its impossible for both of us to see each other this time. He still wants to keep the communication going but I dont think its a good idea seeing that I like him smh. We clicked straight away and chatted lots and discovered we had lots in common. Hes single. It feels like the real thing and i have been through so many dates none of which i have allowed a kiss or felt anything. I started to like him but still had no real expectations and took it easy. This has been going on since February and we have gone out once Second meet up I sort of provoked and that also went well. We became Facebook friends. Didnt feel right. It seems this guy wants to know many details about me before he comes into NYC (if ever) to meet me. You really dont know this man. Im sorry for this long story but Im really curious what you think of this. Ive waited for months to see what he looks like and actually told him this morning that I would really like an updated picture of him so that I can put a face to our text messages. You signaled it was OK with you when you slept with him after waiting 2 weeks to meet him and not having any conversation about what will happen next in your developing relationship. Your reply would be greatly appreciated. Its very odd how someone can go from acting super interested in you to now ignoring you after telling them i dont want to text 24/7. Hello I never invited him in as Im divorced but my husband lives in the house still so I cant! And Im the one whos saying lets meet in person but they want to keep texting. I said it would be hard for us to get to know each other better without some decent communication. If a man is not fluent in digital literacy, thats a red flag for me. You Have To Know 3 Things To Understand All The Signs Hes Interested. He complimented her and made her laugh. Move on, JC. Could and probably is super busy and I dont wanna fault him for that nor get my hopes up. He assures me that he wont leave me hanging and wants to meet up soon. Ever since hes been texting on and off every few days, always busy and tired, he was also away with the girl for 2 weeks vacation. Give him room to be the man and see what happens. however, it seems that recently he freaked out that I would take a vacation to his city and stay with him for a day or so at first he was in to the idea, now it could be fun (in his words) and now he is seriously slowing communication with me (ie texting every 3 days or so.) Its the holiday season and he could have a lot going on. Does it mean that he is not interested anymore? Now me and this guy have a connection and we know it, have knowen for a while he is in a long term relationship and so am I We both have rockey relationships And we happened to confide in each one evening as we were all catching up hes friends with my partner Any how we needed up alone and I was expressing my feelings about my partner in a responsive way about a thing he brought up about his partner (our partners are alike also lol) anyway I lent in to kiss him and he returned it he had been waiting for it and it got passionate from there but not the full monty lol Anyway we came to a mutual agreement of it being casual after the typical if I had of meet you earlier rah rah ya know lol anyway we were both happy with this Yet since then hes started texting me everyday and finds any excuse to come over I know he likes me and its mutual Im just not too sure how to go about it all I dont want to be rude and not text him but Im thinking hes getting a little more deeper into this insteed of casual he always texts me to ask how my day been, if he can help me with anything and goodnight I wish I could have him and hes said the same I just dont know how to go about this or how to read him past the whole I know he likes me, I been talking toot his guy for a month we went out, but then he hasnt texted since. I never nag or chase him. He has told me that he likes me and wants to get to know me more. Please move on and take some time to consider why you would give all this energy to a man who doesnt even want to spend time with you. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but my gut is telling me run the other way. I havent really texted her since I havent heard from her . He apologized and said he went straight to sleep after work, and said that was not him who honked. After a few texts he did say we should meet for drinks when we are both not so busy. Thats not who we talk about here. but i also dont like the idea of starting to get somehow attached and fall in the trap of the Fantasy relationship. Equally amazing. Good for you, Amelia. Texting can avert dating disasters. Tell him you enjoyed Talking with him and youd like to get to know him a little better. He was and all this time I thought he was taking care of his Dad. And, I nearly feel compelled to do to thee guys what they do to women. Bp. I said ok then nevermind. He has sent me some pictures of his daily life and its really cute of him to do that. We have had a several other meetings, usually he came to my place. I tried to not text him that often and he would be the first one to text me how was my day. This is understandable, and Ive been there. As important as you may be to that person youre texting, there will be a time when life gets in the way of texting. He dropped me a line saying i look very pretty and attractive woman. Im so happy this helped you! Thanks again. He mentioned a couple of things that we do have differences on and said it might be a struggle but said he wasnt uninterested. You dont even know this guy and he hasnt done much of anything to show hes all that interested. After a few messages back and forwards, he asked if we could talk on the phone instead. Move on, ok? 4) What respectable person sends genitalia snaps to somebody theyve only met briefly? Each time I came out a better version of me, knowing wholeheartedly Id never settle when it came to forever. Ive met and actually dated a couple of guys that Ive met online who were fantastically flirty via text and in person. The key, as the experts say, is that if you're concerned go straight to the source and talk to them about how you are feeling. He makes future plans with me and says hes coming up soon. That translates to you feeling safe. I get kids interfere, your career is important too. In the meantime he called and sent thoughtful texts everyday. However, the true fairy tale is the one that brings you back home to yourself. His father had passed away when were young- I know this is something he appreciates. He had asked me a few times to come visit their country so that he can spend time with me..he says he wants to show me around and i should not ask my business associates to do that. It was nice but I seemed to be doing all the asking and talking. I have thought that maybe he is like this because he is an introvert and likes to be alone, or maybe its our culture difference, he is indian and Im not. It all happened over 40 years ago and Ive been to counseling its hard for me to figure that thats still somehow affects the way I interact with men. I figured why not? We lived in the same state but not same city. Actually I have met a guy from online and were chatting for like 7 months. He always reaponds if I text him. I get that hes busy but a single text would be nice just to let me know hes thinking of me. Hi Cindy. Bask in it, and let it beautifully transform you. Weve never met. (If not, that is fine too hah). Hugs, Bp, Hello Bobbi, I met a charming man online (not in a dating site but in a professional network). I really appreciate/admire you replying to most readers, and would be happy to hear your thoughts on this.